Cancelled G-Bitez

The following cancelled G-Bitez were the planned Gorillaz skits from Phase 1 that got scrapped at some point in production. The transcripts for them were given to Gorillaz-Unofficial for their Gorillaz Fanzine issue #3 on November 18th 2020.

Featuring

 * 2-D
 * Murdoc Niccals
 * Russel Hobbs
 * Noodle

Hotel Smashing Scene
''Interior. Hotel room.''

''Master shot of all four characters, Noodle on the left of the shot sitting on a bed playing a Gameboy, Russel is in a chair next to a large buffet, Murdoc is in the center of the room and 2D is on the right by a window. The band are trashing the room.''

''2D repeatedly attempts to throw a T.V. out of the window, but it's still plugged in, causing it to jerk back on to the floor. Murdoc is going absolutely crazy, swinging a baseball bat over his head, smashing lamps, trouser press, the tea set, mirrors etc. Russel is calmly and deliberately flicking peanuts at specific items in the room with one hand while tossing whole hamburgers into his mouth and sucking the meat off of chicken drum sticks. We see a close up of his hand smearing burgers on the wall. We see a close-up of his fingers flicking the peanut and the nut flying from across the room. Then the item exploding as the peanut hits. This is repeated three times the first time a teacup explodes, the second time a mirror explodes, the third time a lamp.''

''Noodle's head flicks out and catches one of the peanuts in her mouth as it zooms past, Mr Miagi style while remaning completely obsorbed in her game. Her temper changes when she loses a life, she screames manga style and we see a close up of the Game Over logo. She then throws the Game Boy consol. It flies At which point the all of the boys action stops.''

Murdoc, Russel and 2D: Oooooooohhh!!

Noodle: Is there any thing good on T.V.?

The band look quizzical.

''There is a momentary pause. Then the action recommences.''

Russel's Scratching Tuition
''Russel is standing behind a set of decks. A Gorrilaz logo is on the front of the decks. He has one hand on each turntable pushing the vinyl back and forth.''

Russel: Let me show you a little of how this is done. First up, you need a rhythm.

''Russel pushed on of the records which begins playing a beat. He is scratching it into a new rhythm.''

Russel (cont): There we go. Now we wanna add a new twist with a little of this.

Russel scratches the other record blending some classic tune over his scratching.

Russel: O.K. now watch this.

''Russel now starts a furious and amazing piece of scratching. Smoke begins to appear from the decks, then flames. The decks now fully catch fire. Russel turns his head to the side of the screen.''

Russel: Hey! we gonna need another set of these turntables.

This sketch relies mainly on the piece of scratching being amazing and amusing, using two or three familiar tracks scratched together, i.e Eye of The Tiger with N.W.A. Soulwax did something similar to this.

Murdoc has been drawing on people while they've been asleep
Int medium shot of the band in their seats on an aeroplane.

''Murdoc has his back to the screen, and is leaning over to 2D obscuring Russel from our view. Murdoc is making Rolf Harris type noises. He sits back in his seat as you see him put a fat pen away. It is now you see what he has drawn. 2D has a moustache and beard and bad glasses drawn onto his face. Murdoc has written "Scunthorpe" on Russel's forehead and flowers on his cheeks. We see a close-up of Russel's arm. Murdoc has written "Too Fat Too Live, Too Young To Fast" on it.''

''Murdoc and Noodle are giggling to themselves. Murdoc stretches out his arms and does a fake yawn.''

Murdoc: Good morning gentlemen. I trust you found your sleep restful. But now it's time to sieze the day.

''2D blinks and scratches his drawn on beard, which makes Noodle laugh.

2D: What time is it?

Russel: Breakfast time. Where are we?

Noodle (Japanese with English Sub titles): We are near Hull, I think it's Scunthorpe.

''Murdoc and Noodle start laughing. Russel and 2D look at each other confused at first and then realise that they both have doodles written on their faces. They both start smiling.''

2D: Oh I get it. I won't tell him. Yeah, nice one Murdoc.

''Russel takes off his cap and hist 2D with it.

Russel: You idiot! He's done it to both of us

2D tries looking up at his own forehead.

Murdoc aspiring to Golf Rock Royalty
''Outside. Above onto the clear glass roof of Kong Studios. Night.''

''The Camera zmmos through the roof into the room. Murdoc has created an artificial golf course in the room. We see Murdoc is standing on the gold course next to a flag poll. He is leaning on golf club, wearing a yellow pair of checkerd plus-fours, a pastel v-neck, Pringle and a large red flap cap. He takes an attempt at swinging the club, causing him to spin round, landing him on his arse. He picks himself up, brushes himself down and begins talking to camera.''

Murdoc: Ah, yes. I've had my own golf course built in my rooftop penthouse. Well I could tell the very first time the Gorillaz ever jammed together than it was obvious we were going to be joining the, uh, higher echelons of rock royaity. Son the natural conclusion was to be swinging a few rounds with Mr. Iggy Pop and Mr Alice Cooper.

''Close up of two bored birds on a tree branch, still inside the artificial enviorment. The camera positioned just above the head of the birds, with Murdoc shown below still talking. One bird looks at the other and tuts. It's obvious they've heared this before.''

Murdoc (cont) (Voice Over): I mean all the greats only truly arrive once they've shared a couple of "irons" or compared "wood" with Nicholson.

Close up of Murdoc

Murdoc (cont): That's Jack, or Jackie as I call him. Next I'm opening my own burger chain, "Murdoc's Meat is Murder". Appaently Arnie's interested in becoming a partner. Yes, I think it's safe to say I've truly arrived.

Master shot.

''At this point a seagull shits on his shoulder. Murdoc continues embarassed and stuttering.''

Murdoc (cont): Uhhh....errrm...aah.....that's...urrgh...very lucky...Apparently.

(Embarassed pause)

Murdoc (cont): I'm meeting Danny De Vito in the clubhouse later.