Pirate Radio: 4

''This is the fourth instalment of Pirate Radio hosted by Murdoc in 2010, on Plastic Beach. This show also includes [http://2D 2D].''

(sounds of the wind play before an eerie tune of mainly brass instruments, it fades into the first track)

(“Out in the Streets” by The Shangri-Las plays)

Murdoc: Ee-Oo, Shangri-Las, Out in the Streets. Mm, yeah.

Here we go again. Yeah, the Point Nemo special on the rocks. Happy hour. Once again it's me, Murdoc Niccals, the uh, shipwreck man alone in the dark. Swooping the record decks with rum, vinegar, and vitriol. (raunchy noises) Yeah, and the uh- the propofol, yeah their, kicking in nicely now, y'know? Eh, I'm teeny, wincey bit drowsy, yeah.

Oh, as I say that was the uh, what was the, shrang-  shanga- how do you say that word? The Shangri-Las, yeah. It's easy for you to say. Yeah. That was uh, yeah, The Shangri-Las with Out in the Streets.

And uh, actually I've got a little, uh, cheeky uh, rum and rohypnol concoction going on here. And uh, a full record box next to me. And, another endless night of fog and storms and isolation in front of me. So uh, yeah why don't- why don't we uh, continue this theme with lovely track from Tom Waits, The Ocean Doesn't Want Me Today. Uh!

("The Ocean Doesn't Want Me Today" by Tom Waits plays)

Murdoc: Oh, hm, hoh- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah… Thank you. Thank you for that Mr. Waits. Man after man and heart there Tommy, y'know? Very, very, uh- how you say; Lugubrious.

And uh, (clears throat) listeners, uh, all you fans of- well, me. Gorillaz and all that uh- all that sailorness. I have got, a very special guest with me. I may as well yank this fall and early before he passes out. It's uh, a singer from a very famous band. In fact, the singer of my very favourite band of all time; '''Gorillaz. '''Ladies and gentlemen, here's 2D from Gorillaz! Say hello to the ladies and gentlemen 2D.

2D: (really does not sound like he wants to be here) Hello.

Murdoc: I thought I'd let him out of his little underwater dungeon, y'know? Just to have a little look at what I'm up too. And if he's very, very, lucky, I'll allow him to introduce a record. Maybe.

2D: Alright. This is 2D from Gorillaz, and this is our new song from- (slapped) AHHHH!

Murdoc: (angered) Silence! I'm spinning the disks here pal! You sit there and shut it until I say so, alright? Or I'll throw you to the fog.

So without further ado, lets crack the whip, crack the bottle and crack on with this latest instrument of hot and heavy hits from, today and, yesteryear. This is uh, Robert Johnson and Drunken Hearted Man.

Not Me.

("Drunken Hearted Man" by Robert Johnson plays)

("No Man is an Island " by Dennis Brown plays)

Murdoc: Here's a story about a boy and a girl. The boy, well, he was tall, he was sad and he was lonely. And he wandered the earth, alone, lost, flaw, and very, very, sad. Until one day, he saw this, girl, from, across the street. She had three arms. And he remembered thinking to himself, "God I have never seen a girl with three arms before.” This was the girl, he wanted. So he followed her, in down an alley way. And jumped on her, snogged her, got her to knock one out for him and left. And that, is a love story (mystical sigh)

(sound effect of a record scratch) SO! Yeah 2D! Y'know? Months in captivity, trapped in a island, force to record; how's life treating you?

2D: Uhh. It's a beach. A horrible, plastic, beach. You can't even order pizza here. (breathes in a very bored and done with breath) When can I go home?

Murdoc: Uh, I don't think that's happening for quite some time, old buddy. How does it feel to know you about to embark on another lengthy promotion of an album which knows no bounds? Rudderless, mindless. With me, smashed at the helm? Hmm?

2D: (makes a braindead sound in response)

Murdoc: Y'know, at some point, I guess, we’re gonna be found, aren't we really- it's bound to happen, y'know? I'm- I'm- I'm setting up camera's all around the island. See I'm gonna- I'm gonna try and beam, y'know, sorta beam out some signals, some footage, uh- uh- uh- of all this, y'know? This- this fantastic mess I've created. I'm gonna send it out, uh let the fans in on all this. Uh- and I'm still not sure if there's- there's anyone out there. I can't- I can't be certain. So I'll- so I'll- I'll- I'll probably just put it through the website.

2D: Why don't you just let me go. You tosser.

Murdoc: Oh! Oh 2-2D old buddy... Come, come, come. Y'know? Well, while your here, you might as well introduce this one. As you sing on it.

2D: Oh yeah, hi, yeah. Um, this is a brand new Gorilla’ track. And it's called…?

Murdoc: Uh, oh! Umm, well, I was- I was thinking maybe we could call it; Little House on the Stink Fish.

2D: (sounding done) That is a terrible name.

Murdoc: Right, yeah. You’re probably right. Uh… This is uh; Little House on the Stink Fish I'll Be Back After the Break. New Gorillaz, yeah?

Get off my leg...

(the first part of "Pirate Jet" by Gorillaz)

Murdoc: Oh, this is a tune, from one of my favourite films, The Wicker Man. In this movie it was uh, it was actually sung, by a lovely chanteuse, by the name of Britt Ekland. (classic raunchy noises) I do miss England.

This is, Willow's song, and it's performed by, Nature and Organisation. Mhmm.

("Willow's Song" composed by Paul Giovanni)

(a recoding plays) ''I had a little boat. I called it life. Once it went out… (Murdoc talks over the recording) Life? It never came back. Right. All of a sudden, there was a big wind.'' Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got that. And waves like mountains. Oh man, real ones? Many things raced through my mind. Yeah I get that as well. In the lonely chanting of the sea. Oh there talking about me. I heard the echoes of eternity. '''Yeah, I do- I hear them! In the mornings.' And in the fantasy of cloud and sky. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw the one who lives. Right, yes. And all things died. Yeah? And I was swallowed by the sea. No... Lost in the deep. 'No…! And washed up. Did you have your trousers on? Did you? Were you wearing trousers?'''

Oh all right, fair enough. Strong silent type, aye? Jazzing? That's great. You know what? I've got one bit of advice for you, old son. Just- just, get out more, y'know? Meet people, y'know? Talk to them. Just... y'know? There's issues there, isn't there, Eden old boy? But, okay, I mean I-I'm a fine one to talk, y'know? Really. I'm a fine one to talk… I can uh- I can get help for you, y’know? Have some... rum (cheeky chuckle).

Oh, it's my old mucker there, are we (laughs) are we broadcasting?

(the recoding suddenly starts again) When I awakened.''' (laughs) Oh no, he's come back! He's come back! I rang the door bells... Yeah, you got more to tell me? Yeah, come one! And the sea was calm. Oh that good, that's a relief. It was strange and wonderful. Woah, that sounds it. Like seeing the world. Yeah? And seeing through the world. Yeah, yeah. And I told the people in the village, Oh you went to the- that I went out, Yeah, you went to the village, yeah. and never came back. Yeah. They all left (laughs) Yeah! Yeah! and called me,"The Wonderful."  Yeah (laughs) oh yeah, yeah! And I left with them Did you go with them? they didn't know. No, no, no of course not. They were the ones. Yes of course- I knew that- I knew that... And so I found my way Yeah how? and found my home. But how'd you do that? On Eden's island. Did you? What just found it? Were the wind has been telling the truth. Ah, always. Never lies. Forever... Yeah.' and ever.''.. When on forever, no about month. And ever... '''That's a shame, isn't it? The last month or so, it's starting to be more honest, I think the wind. Oh well. I suppose you can't be picky, but there you are.'''

Cheers Eden, that was lovely. (clears throat) Nice lad- nice lad Eden. Um, wouldn’t want to be in a lift with him. But there you are. Um it was called- that was called, Lemar. Uh, and uh- which is probably something to do with the sea, I'd imagine. I don't know. As were surrounded by the- by the- the old briny, y'know? I'm a bit of a salty sea dog, y'know? The truth should be known. (dry laugh) Oh yeah, you know that. Murdy, I'm a salty sea dog. Uh. But uh, I gotta say something. That Eden, he's a lovely, lovely, gentle... hippie.

Uh (laughs) and uh- (laughs) actually before that, you uh- you heard some uh, more music straight out of the uh, overflowing golden Gorillaz packet! You lucky people!

Uh- right! That's enough of that. Um, here's um, well, y'know, something else...

("Starlight" by The Herbaliser, ft. Roots Manuva)

Murdoc: Starlight! Ladies and gentlemen, that's what that tracks called. That's uh, The Herbaliser there with our dear old mucker, Roots Manuva, yeah, uh, oh well.

Once, again, the fog's creeping's in and the time's stuck on midnight. The waves are lashing against the shore… And everything's... gone a bit… blurry. (light hearted noise) Well, I'm not sure what I'm next going to broadcast. I've got some special guests to uh, kidnap, for some final touches on this magnificent Gorillaz record. So uh- so darling, babies''. Children! It's been so enriching to be back in contact with you all! Um, and you've had a link in there, an insight into the wild and watery ways of my new Gorillaz world.'' But! I think it's time to break up this party and bid you 'adieu, until I launch my black, cloaked assault on your wicked eardrums, once more.

2D: If anyone can ‘ear me out there then send for help! Send police! Help!

Murdoc: (mocking 2D) Send for help! Yeah, do send for help! I need 20 B&H, and a bottle of Grey Goose-

2D: He's keeping me-

Murdoc: ...and a mallet!

2D: ...PRISONER!

Murdoc: Shh! It's okay. (hearing sound of 2D struggling to breathe, Murdoc is speaking very softly) Just- just- just breathe into this cloth, y'know? Just breathe- breathe 2D- breathe... Breathe. That's it deep breaths. Brit- that’s it, you’re gonna feel a bit giddy… That's it, where nearly there 2D! Breathe... Breathe… (2D’s struggles slowly starts to weaken) And... He's gone.

(back to his extravagant self) That's it! Okay! I'm gonna leave you all with something truly horrible, truly spectacular, and something that uh, should leave a nasty, stinky, taste in your mouth. This is, WHOOPS! I Just Skied into Your Cakehole, by my fantastic award-winning band… Gorillaz!

(the first part of "Empire Ants" by Gorillaz plays)

Hum, oh, it's too good to be true. Uh, but it is! Uh, Gorillaz are back. Back on the map, you better believe it baby. And coming to a digital store near your face in the not to dusting future. No it- it- it- it really is!

(sound of a door creaking open) Huh? What's that? (calling out) ''Hello? Who's there? ''Wh-what is that? Who- who are you? It- it's the fog. The fog!

(painful sounds of fright) It, ah- oh the fog it's- its- (painful yelp) Get it off me! Get the fuck off me! Oh! Oh my shins. It's eating me alive! Nurse!

("Dead Man" by M. Ward plays)