Murdoc's Tour of Gorillaz.com and IE9 Transcript

Murdoc: In the year 2001, the animated band Gorillaz hit the planet like a musical meteor. In 2006, Gorillaz played their last legendary concert at New York’s Harlem Apollo. What followed next was silence. Silence! So, what happened? Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d had enough of the others, right, so I went right around the world, but then the money ran out, so I burnt down Gorillaz previously magnificent, Kong Studios, and used the insurance money to sell up somewhere else. It needed to be hidden, you know, isolated; somewhere no one could find it. The Plastic Beach, yeah! A floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean. The most desolate location known to man. Point Nemo. I wired up the place with cameras and webcams, so I could allow the whole world to witness Plastic Beach, via the Internet! And guess what? You’re almost here. Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to embark on your own private tour of the synthetic genius that is Plastic Beach! And Internet Explorer 9!

Murdoc: Ohhh welcome. Here at Gorillaz HQ, we pride ourselves on working with only the best. You few select people have been flown in from all corners of the world to witness what Gorillaz considers to be… the future!

Murdoc: Internet Explorer 9! That’s what it’s called! I say, it’s like a wizard’s portal! It’s like a wizard’s portal!

Murdoc: Let me show you what I’m talking about. *clears throat* BUCKLE UP! WE’RE OFF! WOOHOOOOOO!! Gorillaz.com! Now even faster! And there’s more of the page! Look! The page, it’s less c-c-c-cluttered! Big back button for my, uh, clumpy shaky hands to use. You know what, buddy? You’re getting more real estate out of your website. My website is a fantastically sticky interactive online world. You can, uh, play games, listen to music, watch videos, uh, and play online adventures. I mean, the world’s your oyster. And I don’t even like oysters! So, how does all this work? All I know is that you can click on stuff with your bow and arrow, and, look! It’s a website! You know what would really help though? If I could just, you know, drag the whole website onto a taskbar on the bottom that says ‘Pinned’ just like all my other appliances. Oh look! They’ve stolen my idea! Someone’s stolen my idea! Now, get on this. With each icon, is something called a, uhhh, jumping list. So, I will pop up my jumper list and head straight on to the G-Player. That’s where we can Gorillaz music, videos and games, right from the hub. Here, listen to this, *singing* Up on Melancholy Hill, there’s a plastic tree. *talking normally* Hey! You know what’s good about this? No plugin! No plugs, it’s the future, it’s like a, like a pirates dream. I’m just gonna minimise that so it keeps playing, while I show you this. It’s good, isn’t it? I drew this. Let’s skip to the next track using the, uhhh, gumby preview menu. So simple. It’s a navigators dream. I can even add a little star, yeah, like at Christmas. Let’s carry on. Any game that’s, you know, browser-based, runs a gazillion terabytes faster. Nice. Look, that’s me! Oh damn, I’ve clicked on their pictures. Oh yeah, this is 2D, singer of Gorillaz. He’s a bit of a *pause* whatsit though. The webmasters tell me that this section here is done using the, uhhh, HTML…metal. Maybe some of the more technical stuff can be explained by these lot.

Mike O’Soft: Good morning, Murdoc.

Murdoc: Ugh, geek number one! Talk, nerd!

Mike: Okay, what’s happening there is an example of HTML5 animation. ‘Tis considerably faster, as the operating system utilises the computer’s own graphics card. You can see quite clearly how smoothly it all runs. It’s like digital liquid, binary magma poured straight into the cerebral cortex!

Murdoc: I. Hate. You.

Mike: professional grade model HTML5 support that is built on top of modern hardware through Windows. This is like the invention of the shoehorn!

001110011: HTML5 features include support for video and audio elements, enabling video and audio without the need for a plugin.

Mike: Um, so yeah, it works across all HTML5 browsers, so you only need to develop it once, which gives us more time to develop more cutting-edge technology!

Murdoc: Ugghh, show me the future, egghead!

Mike: Right! Take a look at this. See how smoothly the seagull flies!

001110011: And here, despite the high numbers, you can still see there’s no latency in the graphic delivery! That’s the magic for IE9 for you!

Murdoc: *mocking* there’s no latency in the graphic delivery. Bleh!

001110011: Nothing in my life works outside of the screen

ThorSlayer76: Well, I only got into web programming for all the chicks after the show!

(All 3 webmasters chuckle)

001110011: Chicks after the show.

Murdoc: SILENCE! BEGONE!

Murdoc: While we’re here, let me show you something. This is the story of Plastic Beach! Look how smoothly those videos play! Not like those old VHS’s, no no no, with this new sort of…EIEI9…thing, nothing glitches! It’s all too much! My mind is melting! Wow, this is amazing! I can check out my whole island from these. See intruders, collaborators, new arrivals. Look, look! Its 2D, shivering in his room, like a coward. Who’s that? In the booth? It’s the Boogieman! Ohhh! Close it, he’s come for my soul, I gave that away years ago! Where’s the evangelist? Where’s an evangelist when you need one?

Murdoc: Oh, oh you’re back. Eeeee!

Murdoc: There you have it. Internet Explorer 9. This is like…a wizard’s portal. Mmm, nice. Internet Explorer 9 from Microsoft. The beautiful web! Tomorrow has finally come todaaaaaaay!

Murdoc: Umm, was that alright? Don’t think I overdid it, did you? I just want to say, you know, it’s like a wizard’s portal, a new magical realm! I wouldn’t want it to come across all hammy though, you know. It wouldn’t look good for my image, would it? Heh.